View topic - Would you trust a cheater?
OK so my boyfriend and broke up right after christmas. Had been together for over 3 years. I still love him more then anything in this world but he cheated on my 3 days after christmas. I still want to be with him and I know he regrets everything he did and is sorry. At the moment we have talked and agreed we need some space BUT we both kinda want to get back together with each other. I have forgiven him for what he did but I can't forget. Now have any of you been in a similar situation or have an advice? Or could you trust someone again after they did that ?
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...more than likely we'd stay broken up if it was me in that situation but I don't know...depends I suppose on why he cheated and what he's doing to make amends and regain your respect and trust. That's entirely up to you.
Words exist because of meaning. Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him? ~Chuang Tzu
He said he did it because he got scared of how serious our relationship was
I would have to say I don't think I could, if I was in that situation and that was the 'excuse' for cheating I would find it very hard to forgive or forget. You talk through a problem, you don't attempt to solve it by cheating. However, my personal opinions aside, really only you can answer that.
Do you think that you will be able to come to trust him again? If you believe that you can mutually work together towards rebuilding the trust between each other, and that you'll be able to put it behind you, without questioning his movements in the future (wondering where he is, checking his phone etc), or bringing it up in arguments as a weapon to use against him then it could be possible to be together again.
But like I said, it really is a personal decision.
Do you think that you will be able to come to trust him again? If you believe that you can mutually work together towards rebuilding the trust between each other, and that you'll be able to put it behind you, without questioning his movements in the future (wondering where he is, checking his phone etc), or bringing it up in arguments as a weapon to use against him then it could be possible to be together again.
But like I said, it really is a personal decision.
Sometimes people get tempted. Sometimes people make mistakes. I have been tempted and have made mistakes in my relationship. I regret it and wouldn't want anyone to hold it against me now. So yes, I could give a cheater another chance. I think your boyfriend's reason is kind of lame, but I guess every reason for cheating is pretty lame.
If he is legitimately sorry for it and willing to do whatever to gain back my trust, then sure, I'd get back with someone who cheated. Now if he did it more than once, wasn't sorry, or I didn't feel like I could try and trust him again, even with work.... then nope. I mean, it depends on the reason, circumstances, length of the relationship, etc.
If I were in the situation you described, then yes. I would eventually get back with them.
But what you do is completely up to you.
Good luck with whatever happens between the two of you.
If I were in the situation you described, then yes. I would eventually get back with them.
But what you do is completely up to you.
Good luck with whatever happens between the two of you.
In a trail of fire I know we will be free again,
In the end we will be one.
In a trail of fire I'll burn before you bury me,
Set your sights for the sun.
f o r m e r l y ♥ H e l l o V i t u
Different people and different situations would all have differing opinions on it I think.
Personally I would never accept a cheater back. Even if I could forgive him, I cannot forget and that leaves a permanent issue of trust in the relationship. Last thing I want is to have is constant paranoia whenever he goes out since my partner is a businessman who travels a lot and would have a million opportunities. Heck, he could legally get married to another woman without any responsibility to inform me.
It also means a breakdown in other areas such as openness and communication so that takes out the 'excuses' for me too.
Personally I would never accept a cheater back. Even if I could forgive him, I cannot forget and that leaves a permanent issue of trust in the relationship. Last thing I want is to have is constant paranoia whenever he goes out since my partner is a businessman who travels a lot and would have a million opportunities. Heck, he could legally get married to another woman without any responsibility to inform me.
It also means a breakdown in other areas such as openness and communication so that takes out the 'excuses' for me too.
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MaskedDream wrote:He said he did it because he got scared of how serious our relationship was
If that's his reason, then you have to ask yourself how YOU feel about how serious the relationship was. Chances are he's not going to change how he feels about the depth of the relationship without some time. If you were fine with it at the pace that it was, and he obviously wasn't, there's still going to be a lot of unrest between you two if you get back together. One of you will be unhappy with the state of things.
If you feel it was too serious as well, then maybe agreeing to keep it casual and lighthearted will work for you two.
i'm not sure.
i've been a cheater. but i didn't give two fucks about the guys i cheated on.
i have a feeling i've been cheated on, but it was one of the guys i cheated on, so, whatever.
however, i am now in a very serious relationship. justin and i have been together 3 years, and we want to get married some day. i was tempted in the first year of our relationship, and i'm happy to say that i was strong because i loved justin so much i didn't want to lose him because of one moment of selfish stupidity.
if he cheated on me...i don't know what i'd do. i can't see myself without him, i really can't...i would die of a broken heart without him. so i think i would forgive him, but it would take a long time to heal and trust him again.
i guess you have to look at it like that.
it will take time, and you will both have to work at regaining the trust.
i've been a cheater. but i didn't give two fucks about the guys i cheated on.
i have a feeling i've been cheated on, but it was one of the guys i cheated on, so, whatever.
however, i am now in a very serious relationship. justin and i have been together 3 years, and we want to get married some day. i was tempted in the first year of our relationship, and i'm happy to say that i was strong because i loved justin so much i didn't want to lose him because of one moment of selfish stupidity.
if he cheated on me...i don't know what i'd do. i can't see myself without him, i really can't...i would die of a broken heart without him. so i think i would forgive him, but it would take a long time to heal and trust him again.
i guess you have to look at it like that.
it will take time, and you will both have to work at regaining the trust.
MaskedDream wrote:He said he did it because he got scared of how serious our relationship was
Those are red lights right there. >.<
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My boyfriend cheated in one of his past relationships. I trust him not to cheat on me, because he hasn't come across that way at this point in time and I myself have cheated on people in the past, but cheating always means utter discontent in that relationship. Not in the current one (unless said person cheats on everyone because of no morals/loose judgement/whatever, in which case I couldn't trust a person like that ).
Now, if a person cheats in a relationship, I think it's not a good idea to trust at that point. If a person cheats once, they WILL cheat again as long as they're in the same relationship and whatever discontent isn't resolved. If it gets resolved, it may come back up again in the future. I know personally, I couldn't continue dating a cheater, just like when I cheated in that past relationship, I broke it off right after the fact. I can't expect anyone to continue to trust me in that sense either, and obviously I wasn't getting what I needed, personally, from that relationship for me to do something that I've always been completely against.
Here's the thing - you said yourself you were in that relationship three years, and he cheated because he was afraid of how serious the relationship was. That's a really big clue that, three years in, if he's afraid of a serious relationship to the point where he uses that as an excuse to cheat on you, he's not mature enough to be in a long-standing relationship and he has no respect for you. It doesn't matter how much he 'regrets it' now, his feelings are out in the open and I wouldn't trust him again. Especially not if you want a continuing relationship, because all he's going to do is get scared again and it'll happen all over again in the future.
Now, if a person cheats in a relationship, I think it's not a good idea to trust at that point. If a person cheats once, they WILL cheat again as long as they're in the same relationship and whatever discontent isn't resolved. If it gets resolved, it may come back up again in the future. I know personally, I couldn't continue dating a cheater, just like when I cheated in that past relationship, I broke it off right after the fact. I can't expect anyone to continue to trust me in that sense either, and obviously I wasn't getting what I needed, personally, from that relationship for me to do something that I've always been completely against.
Here's the thing - you said yourself you were in that relationship three years, and he cheated because he was afraid of how serious the relationship was. That's a really big clue that, three years in, if he's afraid of a serious relationship to the point where he uses that as an excuse to cheat on you, he's not mature enough to be in a long-standing relationship and he has no respect for you. It doesn't matter how much he 'regrets it' now, his feelings are out in the open and I wouldn't trust him again. Especially not if you want a continuing relationship, because all he's going to do is get scared again and it'll happen all over again in the future.
I have been cheated on in every single relationship I have ever been in. So no, I do not trust a cheater.
However, with you and your boyfriend, if you both understand the situation, and he's been forgiven and you know and trust that he will be loyal to you from this point onwards, I think it might be beneficial to give him another chance.
But, if he violates your trust again, I would call the relationship quits.
However, with you and your boyfriend, if you both understand the situation, and he's been forgiven and you know and trust that he will be loyal to you from this point onwards, I think it might be beneficial to give him another chance.
But, if he violates your trust again, I would call the relationship quits.
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