View topic - What About Men?
I was reading this post by a woman about domestic violence. Now, obviously, we all know women get beaten and abused all the time by men. Thankfully, not every man is like this. This lady was saying how horrible domestic violence is against women, among other things. She said everyone should stop domestic violence against women.
Okay, but what about men? Did she not know that men get abused by women, too? Abused men are silent victims. Most of the time, abuse against men is not reported, either out of embarrassment or they feel like they deserved it. Roughly, every 37 seconds a man is abused by a woman.
But what can men do? Call the police? Most of the time, no. They can't even defend themselves very much because the woman will accuse him of being the abuser. Now, who do you think the police will believe; the woman or the man? The woman. It's sad and discriminating. Even taking a defensive position would be considered a threat towards a woman, and a man could get arrested for that.
It gets me angry when I see a woman hitting a man. She has no right to lay a finger on him, and he has no right to lay a finger on her.
What also gets me angry are feminists who say it's okay to hit a man. It's okay to punch or kick a man. What exactly makes it okay? Just because you're most likely smaller than him doesn't mean you have the privilege to abuse him. Women are always complaining about equal rights and the demeaning of women, but somehow always forget to mention about men's rights.
Why didn't she say anything about men? After all, the article was about domestic violence, not violence against women only. She mentioned only about women and children. She made it seem like males are always the bad guys, never the good. I guess males don't count when it comes to being abused...
Men, what do you think of this?
Do you know a man who has been abused by his girlfriend/wife?
Have you ever been abused by your girlfriend/wife?
What's your reaction about hearing violence against men?
Please take all domestic crimes seriously. Just because a man has a black eye or bruise, doesn't mean he got into a fight with another man. 40 out of 100 cases involves men being abused. In the U.S. alone, over 800,000 men are abused by their wife/girlfriend each year.
Okay, but what about men? Did she not know that men get abused by women, too? Abused men are silent victims. Most of the time, abuse against men is not reported, either out of embarrassment or they feel like they deserved it. Roughly, every 37 seconds a man is abused by a woman.
But what can men do? Call the police? Most of the time, no. They can't even defend themselves very much because the woman will accuse him of being the abuser. Now, who do you think the police will believe; the woman or the man? The woman. It's sad and discriminating. Even taking a defensive position would be considered a threat towards a woman, and a man could get arrested for that.
It gets me angry when I see a woman hitting a man. She has no right to lay a finger on him, and he has no right to lay a finger on her.
What also gets me angry are feminists who say it's okay to hit a man. It's okay to punch or kick a man. What exactly makes it okay? Just because you're most likely smaller than him doesn't mean you have the privilege to abuse him. Women are always complaining about equal rights and the demeaning of women, but somehow always forget to mention about men's rights.
Why didn't she say anything about men? After all, the article was about domestic violence, not violence against women only. She mentioned only about women and children. She made it seem like males are always the bad guys, never the good. I guess males don't count when it comes to being abused...
Men, what do you think of this?
Do you know a man who has been abused by his girlfriend/wife?
Have you ever been abused by your girlfriend/wife?
What's your reaction about hearing violence against men?
Please take all domestic crimes seriously. Just because a man has a black eye or bruise, doesn't mean he got into a fight with another man. 40 out of 100 cases involves men being abused. In the U.S. alone, over 800,000 men are abused by their wife/girlfriend each year.
QuoteVincent Valentine's / Aacayipsin's mule
Have any sources backing up what you're saying? I'm not saying you're wrong, I think it's a good topic and I'm interested in reading more on it.
Some feminists can get kind of nasty, I've never heard one say that it's okay to hit a man unless in self defense but I have seen them degrade women for holding more traditional views.
Some feminists can get kind of nasty, I've never heard one say that it's okay to hit a man unless in self defense but I have seen them degrade women for holding more traditional views.
I've noticed that a lot; people only seem concerned about women and tend to laugh at the idea of men being the ones to get abused. It's really sad. Thankfully, I don't know of anyone in that situation right now. Being a woman doesn't equal being helpless and being a man doesn't equal being invincible.
I know a guy in an abusive relationship. His girlfriend is a manipulative little wench who's just using him for free housing and free anything else she can wring out of him. He's gay, but his father's a pastor, and she's telling him that it's best and healthiest to just forget about being gay and stay with her. She doesn't hit him much, but she has warped his mind to the point where the only thing he does without her express permission is go to work. We've tried to break them up numerous times, but he's so deeply convinced she'd the only one who could possibly love him that he keeps going back to her.
And because he's bigger than her and there are no marks on him usually, no authority would be willing to say he's being abused.
And some radical feminists are seriously jacked up. I had one slap me for saying I'm female-to-male transgender and demand to know why I hated women and wanted to be a filthy pig. I'd believe some of them think it's okay to hit men for no reason.
Frankly, I'm somewhat gender-blind and had to learn that there were so many gender-based double standards. I agree that violence and abuse against males is generally overlooked simply because the average male is bigger than the average woman. Pisses me off.
And because he's bigger than her and there are no marks on him usually, no authority would be willing to say he's being abused.
And some radical feminists are seriously jacked up. I had one slap me for saying I'm female-to-male transgender and demand to know why I hated women and wanted to be a filthy pig. I'd believe some of them think it's okay to hit men for no reason.
Frankly, I'm somewhat gender-blind and had to learn that there were so many gender-based double standards. I agree that violence and abuse against males is generally overlooked simply because the average male is bigger than the average woman. Pisses me off.
Mariam Kitra wrote:Have any sources backing up what you're saying? I'm not saying you're wrong, I think it's a good topic and I'm interested in reading more on it.
Some feminists can get kind of nasty, I've never heard one say that it's okay to hit a man unless in self defense but I have seen them degrade women for holding more traditional views.
Here are the two main sources I used: 1, 2. There's plenty more articles on the subject, I just remember these two that I used. Do some research on it, you may be surprised, I know I was :o
You wouldn't believe what I've seen :/ I see women hitting men just because they do something accidental. For example, one time while I was in Taiwan visiting family, I saw a woman screaming and yelling at her husband because he accidentally dropped a glass on their driveway. She started batting him with something, not sure what, and they both went back inside. I'm pretty sure she hit him after wards because I saw him a week later and he had a black eye and a scar on his cheek.
Elline: I know, it's sad. Society has put the image in people's minds that men are always going to be stronger, women weaker, and a man can't possibly get hurt by a woman. Most of the time it's emotional abuse done by women and then physical.
Vincent Valentine's / Aacayipsin's mule
Domestic violence is ugly no matter how you spin it. I know there are plenty of men who are abused, but women tend to get victimized by others when they step forward and admit that they were abused, too.
Example: I had a column in my city's newspaper for about six months, where I discussed mental illness, abuse, etc. Near the end of its run (I had to give it up because I was too busy with school), I wrote a column about how I was abused.
Cue hate mail, saying I "deserved" it and that "it probably wasn't that bad." Because I OBVIOUSLY instigated the abuse. =/
Example: I had a column in my city's newspaper for about six months, where I discussed mental illness, abuse, etc. Near the end of its run (I had to give it up because I was too busy with school), I wrote a column about how I was abused.
Cue hate mail, saying I "deserved" it and that "it probably wasn't that bad." Because I OBVIOUSLY instigated the abuse. =/
Bloodless wrote:I know a guy in an abusive relationship. His girlfriend is a manipulative little wench who's just using him for free housing and free anything else she can wring out of him. He's gay, but his father's a pastor, and she's telling him that it's best and healthiest to just forget about being gay and stay with her. She doesn't hit him much, but she has warped his mind to the point where the only thing he does without her express permission is go to work. We've tried to break them up numerous times, but he's so deeply convinced she'd the only one who could possibly love him that he keeps going back to her.
And because he's bigger than her and there are no marks on him usually, no authority would be willing to say he's being abused.
And some radical feminists are seriously jacked up. I had one slap me for saying I'm female-to-male transgender and demand to know why I hated women and wanted to be a filthy pig. I'd believe some of them think it's okay to hit men for no reason.
Frankly, I'm somewhat gender-blind and had to learn that there were so many gender-based double standards. I agree that violence and abuse against males is generally overlooked simply because the average male is bigger than the average woman. Pisses me off.
Most abuse by women is emotional and psychological. That is what she is doing. If he needs help, there are help lines for domestic violence against men. Who cares if his father is a pastor (I'm Christian and I have no problem with gays)? He needs to get out of that relationship because it can cause him to have issues later in his life. Damage done by domestic violence is far greater.
Oh yes, feminists make me angry most of the time. They are too one-sided. It's sad that some of them think it's okay to do whatever they want with men.
Statutory Grape: Yes, I know, but I'm sticking up for men, not women. At least women can step forward. Most of the time men can't. Most of the time police won't believe a man. Do not get me wrong, I feel sorry for women who do get victimized, and I wish it didn't happen. And I am sorry that it has happened to you, and wish it will never happen again.
I am writing this because I want to look into this with a man's point of view. Men get victimized too, maybe even more, with friends or other people saying, "Yeah, right." "You're just joking", and by laughing. It causes embarrassment for men, so the majority of cases never get reported. Numbers are still unknown because of this.
Vincent Valentine's / Aacayipsin's mule
Men CAN step forward--it's just the generalization by society that men should be macho, etc. that prevents them from doing it. Regardless of sex, it takes BALLS to step forward and say you were abused.
Women have support groups, public support, shelters, special laws, halfway houses, and government funding. Men have zip.
So basically, because it doesn't happen as often, it should be completely ignored. Right?
So basically, because it doesn't happen as often, it should be completely ignored. Right?
Domestic violence is against the laws, in any single from. I don't think that's shame to say "bullshit, I'm calling the police" even if you're not a "lady" ... and besides that, personally I wont let someone to hit me...Girls are not weaker than boys, so boys should do something about it...I never belived that if you're girl, you're better/worse than buys... Everyone is equal in front of the law, even if you're kid,adult,men,women,etc. But that's my point of view.
if a man is being abused, they should turn to the cops. The cops will take their word for it, I've seen it happen plenty of times.
You kind of make it sound like women are evil and can take advantage that the law will turn to their side, if they were to abuse a man, than lie and say "oh no, he is hitting me."
When you get hit, it leaves a mark. So, if that man was getting hit, turned to the cops and the women tries to lie, it would be obvious.
I has nothing to do with society, it's all about the person. Most men won't report it because they have too much ego to let anyone know they got hit by a women, if anything, it's the man's own fault for not reporting it. Just the same as a women whom doesn't report herself being hit.
@ Bloodless
Men have support groups for being abused as well.
If you're talking about issues women bring to the table type of deal, has nothing to do with abuse. It's about women not being that "image" for society, you know, like a porn star, a women to get on her knees for any man. Those groups are about women taking a stand, it has nothing to do about abuse.
And what special "law" do women have? We don't have any special law. Government does not RUN any support group/halfway homes, those things were made BY women whom wanted to take ACTION.
So if anything, why don't you say this to men whom get abused? They should take it to action, just like the women did.
You kind of make it sound like women are evil and can take advantage that the law will turn to their side, if they were to abuse a man, than lie and say "oh no, he is hitting me."
When you get hit, it leaves a mark. So, if that man was getting hit, turned to the cops and the women tries to lie, it would be obvious.
I has nothing to do with society, it's all about the person. Most men won't report it because they have too much ego to let anyone know they got hit by a women, if anything, it's the man's own fault for not reporting it. Just the same as a women whom doesn't report herself being hit.
@ Bloodless
Men have support groups for being abused as well.
If you're talking about issues women bring to the table type of deal, has nothing to do with abuse. It's about women not being that "image" for society, you know, like a porn star, a women to get on her knees for any man. Those groups are about women taking a stand, it has nothing to do about abuse.
And what special "law" do women have? We don't have any special law. Government does not RUN any support group/halfway homes, those things were made BY women whom wanted to take ACTION.
So if anything, why don't you say this to men whom get abused? They should take it to action, just like the women did.
Hate is easy; Love takes courage.
It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.
It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.
misfitbaby wrote:if a man is being abused, they should turn to the cops. The cops will take their word for it, I've seen it happen plenty of times.
You kind of make it sound like women are evil and can take advantage that the law will turn to their side, if they were to abuse a man, than lie and say "oh no, he is hitting me."
When you get hit, it leaves a mark. So, if that man was getting hit, turned to the cops and the women tries to lie, it would be obvious.
Which means if a man wants to make any kind of case, he can't hit back or defend himself, and any man significantly larger than the woman hitting him would have a damned hard time of it anyway, since most people won't believe that this big man would let a woman hit him and get away with it. Basically, if she's hitting you repeatedly with a rolling pin, you can't do jack shit, because the minute you leave a bruise on her, your case goes out the window and she'll claim you hit her first. And be believed.
Furthermore, psychological abuse does not leave any kind of physical mark, and is just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse. Women have this image as the 'fairer' and 'gentler' sex, and female abusers will use that image against the men they abuse.
misfitbaby wrote:I has nothing to do with society, it's all about the person. Most men won't report it because they have too much ego to let anyone know they got hit by a women, if anything, it's the man's own fault for not reporting it. Just the same as a women whom doesn't report herself being hit.
As a man who's been heavily abused for a significant majority of his life, this is so sexist and downright insulting that I don't really want to dignify it with a response. I will, anyway, of course, because I'm not going to let this kind of bullshit pass uncontested.
Do you know the reason why I never told anyone my father was hitting me? Why I never told anyone that my brother sexually molested me? Why I never reported the kids who bullied me or the abuse my stepmother put me through? Because I thought I deserved it. Because the people abusing me made me believe it was my own fault and that I earned every bruise and psychological scar.
Men and women don't report being abused for two main reasons- not wanting to anger the person abusing them, and thinking they deserve it.
If you get smacked around every time you open your mouth or don't do what you're told, are you really gonna want to go to the police and seriously piss off the person who keeps hurting you? No. You're gonna keep your mouth shut and hope it goes away on its own. You're gonna do anything you can to make that person happy so they have no reason to hit you.
And thanks tons for adding to the pile of crap that makes abuse victims think they deserve the abuse they get. Abuse victims are scared. They're made to feel isolated and often really, truly believe that even if they do speak up, no one will listen. Given the social stereotypes about men, this is doubly true in the case of a man being abused by a smaller woman. Who's going to see a woman hit this mountain of muscle and assume it's abuse? No, she's just playing with him, I mean, if he really didn't like it, he'd make her stop, right?
More often than not, victims of prolonged abuse have no ego, so ego is obviously not the most common reason it goes unreported.
misfitbaby wrote:@ Bloodless
Men have support groups for being abused as well.
If you're talking about issues women bring to the table type of deal, has nothing to do with abuse. It's about women not being that "image" for society, you know, like a porn star, a women to get on her knees for any man. Those groups are about women taking a stand, it has nothing to do about abuse.
I've lived in Washington state, California, Oregon, New York, Virginia, North Carolina, Florida, and Mississippi. I have yet to see a single commercial, advertisement, billboard, or shelter for battered husbands, yet in half those states, I can't seem to turn around without running into battered women support groups, battered women shelters, posters of beat-up women condemning spousal abuse, etc. Never a beat-up man, notice- always a woman. And always with a black eye, maybe a split lip for good measure. Never, ever, a man.
misfitbaby wrote:And what special "law" do women have? We don't have any special law. Government does not RUN any support group/halfway homes, those things were made BY women whom wanted to take ACTION.
So if anything, why don't you say this to men whom get abused? They should take it to action, just like the women did.
Do you know what battered wife syndrome is? Not battered spouse, battered wife. There is no battered spouse syndrome, and a man will have a damned hard time claiming battered wife syndrome as the reason he stayed with his abusive wife. A woman can kill her husband and claim battered wife syndrome to get off scott-free. A man kills his wife, he can't do the same. Almost all laws protecting against abuse are slanted towards women, because men are supposed to be manly, and manly men don't get hit by women.
And for the record, a good portion of battered women shelters in NYC are run by the city. And a lot of them are staffed with men.
Way to go on showing your amazing gender bias in that whole post, and I'm so glad to know you blame me for the abuse I've suffered all my life. It's lucky I'm as far along in recovery as I am, or I might have believed that steaming pile of horseshit. Abuse is abuse, no matter who it's against, and the only person who should be blamed for it is the abuser. Quit feeding the disease.
Dude, I love you. You are the first person I have ever met who is not gender bias when it comes to situations like that. WE NEED TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE OFFSPRING SO THEY WILL THINK LIKE THAT TOO. 
But yeah, it's stupid. Feminists went a little too far on woman's rights and yeah, women still aren't really all that equal (just look at getting payed at work and crap), but they're still overly protected on some things.
But yeah, it's stupid. Feminists went a little too far on woman's rights and yeah, women still aren't really all that equal (just look at getting payed at work and crap), but they're still overly protected on some things.