Toasty.
Toast is amazing, kind and sweet, and I'm not talking about the Toast you eat. Toasty is a dear friend of mine, the kind of friend that is simply divine, So amazing and cool like friends should be, but friends like him are genuine and pure like any jewel, gem or the most perfect of pearls from the deepest of seas from which each is formed with time, love and care just like the beautiful blue sky or the clouds above they are formed from light, water and the Lord above, so in short this poem is for you my dear Toasty a friend so pure and sweet, thank you dear Toasty for being there my friend of gold, a heart that is pure I'm glad you're my friend forever more.
- Billy James Carterson
I am indeed a man.
Claudius My royal subjects! I know that there have been some difficult times out there lately - we're all hurting right now after my brother's death, but this is a time for this nation to come together. Let's be honest: we all liked him. He had a great beard. I was always envious of that beard. Not so envious that I would kill, let's put that rumor to bed. Read my lips: I did not have murderous relations with my brother. I'm glad we can put that issue to rest, and I hope that the people who were saying those things enjoy their time being tortured. (far-off scream)
Now, I'm not here to talk about my personal wife, I mean life, but - again - people have been talking, so yes, I have married Gertrude. And some of you sickos out there think it's a little weird that I married my brother's wife two days after he died, but you should be ashamed of yourselves and you will also be tortured. (far-off scream)
Gertrude My people. I loved my dead husband very much which is why I married his brother. They kind of look similar. I know there's an ewww factor out there - but we'll all get over it - and now to take your mind off of that...bunnies. Thank you.