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I hate

I hate when sun shines
for everyone but me,
I hate when your heart
beat for her and not me.


I hate the darkness
that I live in,
I hate it everyday
and all I can say come what may.

I think the sentiment that you are trying to express is really universal and something that most people would be able to relate to.

It needs some polish ("beats for her and not me." and a few comma splices), but it is on its way to becoming a very lovely little poem.

False act

Don't act nice with me
if you think otherwise.
Don't talk to me
or even smile.
Just get away from me
I hate those kind of guys


if you have suggestion or even see sth that needs to be corrected please post corrected version

I hate

I hate when (the) sun shines
for everyone but me,
I hate when your heart
beat(s) for her and not me.


I hate the darkness
that I live in,(.)
I hate it everyday
and all I can say (is) come what may.



False Act

Don't act nice with me
if you think otherwise.
Don't talk to me
or even smile.
Just get away from me(.)
I hate those kind of guys(.)

My suggestion for these poems would include looking at meter. There are great sentiments, but poems this short often sound odd if not well-metered.

Big_Damn_Hero wrote:I hate

I hate when (the) sun shines
for everyone but me,
I hate when your heart
beat(s) for her and not me.


I hate the darkness
that I live in,(.)
I hate it everyday
and all I can say (is) come what may.



False Act

Don't act nice with me
if you think otherwise.
Don't talk to me
or even smile.
Just get away from me(.)
I hate those kind of guys(.)

My suggestion for these poems would include looking at meter. There are great sentiments, but poems this short often sound odd if not well-metered.

What is a meter????I am not familiar with it

Do you feel this pain
Do you know what is to gain.
Do you see this broken heart
Don't you see it has no guard.
It was destroyed long time ago
It was slashed and sliced
but only thing you could see is others

metering is currect grammar basically . It is when you put a period to stop where you think the reader should pause and take in most and formost

ilover1508 wrote:metering is currect grammar basically . It is when you put a period to stop where you think the reader should pause and take in most and formost

In poetry meter refers to the sound and pace of the words. It has nothing to do with grammar. Meter is crafting the syllables into a rhythm.

to be | or not | to be,

Note the rhythm of this line. It's iambic or da-DUM.
Look up information on meter and read poems with scansion notation. It will help you understand the concept better.

Here's your poem edited to add meter and with a tighter rhyme scheme.


A. I hate when the sun shines
B. for all but me.
C. I hate when your heart beats
B. for her, not me.


D. I hate the darkness
E. with hopeful voice I say,
F. as shadows close in,
E. “Come what may.”

You can turn of the light
and still I will see.
You can burn all the bridges
You can shoot me down,
I will stand up and be proud.

You can throw a punch
You can tear me down,
I will stand up and still be proud.

I know you hate me
I know you do,
You can do voodoo
but either way you can't hurt me
because unlike you
I have hope

See all the green
in the world around.
I see the red
that is on the ground.
See the sapphire blue
See the cold ice
I see the light
and it is so bright.

I see the envy
I see jealousy
I see blood.


In this colorful world
it would be nice to see white,grey,black

I see the deep
I see dark abyss
I see new dawn coming.
In the dark
there is always light.
There is always sound
You cannot hit the ground.
Like Alice in the hole
chasing rabbit.

I will tell you how I feel
You will cry and you will kneel.

You shall see my pain
You wont get any gain.

No mercy from wounded animal
No sympathy
No tear
No soul

Open your eyes
and see this world.
Open your heart
and reach out.

See the light
around us
See every
smile inside.

Never give up
hope and love

Tell the bees
Tell every living thing.
You don't care about them
You don't care
You are killing them.

With you gas
With your smog
With any kind
pollution
you are so wrong.

Speak,
but do not shout.
Look
but do not doubt.

Tell the world
but not in haste.
Tell them about the waste.

Smell
,but do not wrinkle your nose
You know it is our own fault