View topic - Letting a baby cry to sleep
Exactly, and regardless of what people may think comfort is a need for them at that age. It literally breaks my heart to hear of babies being shut up in rooms and left to cry all night. Also babies have much smaller stomachs than adults. With breast feeding they tend to eat every 1-2 hours and formula 2-4 hours. Their bellies don't stay full for 8 hours like an adults can.
It's ridiculous to expect them to sleep all night like that.
It's ridiculous to expect them to sleep all night like that.
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I am very strongly against letting babies cry it out; despite what people who don't have kids say, it is actually harmful to them emotionally, and very traumatizing. They need to know that you are there for them, and that they can rely on you for comfort. That's how they build trust in the world, by first building trust in their parents to comfort and protect them. When you ignore their cries, especially in a dark room at night when they're tired and need comfort and sleep, you're telling them that no one cares, that they are alone and you won't come to them if they need you.
Anyone who has held a baby after they've been crying for hours knows the effect that has had on the child. They will shake, hiccup, and not be able to regulate their breathing for an hour or more even after they're done crying. They can tremble for hours. I believe when you love someone, you don't put them in that kind of emotional distress, even if they "won't remember".
Anyone who has held a baby after they've been crying for hours knows the effect that has had on the child. They will shake, hiccup, and not be able to regulate their breathing for an hour or more even after they're done crying. They can tremble for hours. I believe when you love someone, you don't put them in that kind of emotional distress, even if they "won't remember".
Yeah and just because they don't remember something that doesn't mean it won't leave scars. It can have a lot of impact on a child. I was reading up on it more earlier today in fact due to a conversation in which someone else brought up the argument that it's good for the lungs.
Actual studies claim that is false, it can actually harm many things in a child. Think about when you cry and how you feel during and after. It's not exactly easy to breathe. Mucous builds up from it, and it's stressful.
Actual studies claim that is false, it can actually harm many things in a child. Think about when you cry and how you feel during and after. It's not exactly easy to breathe. Mucous builds up from it, and it's stressful.
Also, it's been shown time and time again that mental and emotional stress have a physical impact on the body, both acutely and long-term. People can get a headache and say, "Oh, I'm just stressed out," but for some reason they don't attribute the same qualities to things like lower back pain, which have been PROVEN to be very stress-related. Children and babies are not immune to these impacts just because they are younger, it's just that they can't tell us because they don't have our education.
I had nose bleeds, stomach aches, migraines and lower back pain as well as chest pain for fourteen years of my life before anybody thought to ask me if I was feeling okay about life in general. But even with doctors, it doesn't occur to them that children could possibly be stressed, or depressed, or anxious. Every one thinks it's adorable when a seven-year-old pulls at her hair because she's worried about failing a math test she doesn't understand, but people don't stop to think what that child is actually feeling is real to them. It's the same thing when babies cry for comfort and companionship- they're scared, they're confused, and they're hurting. It's not okay to ignore that.
I had nose bleeds, stomach aches, migraines and lower back pain as well as chest pain for fourteen years of my life before anybody thought to ask me if I was feeling okay about life in general. But even with doctors, it doesn't occur to them that children could possibly be stressed, or depressed, or anxious. Every one thinks it's adorable when a seven-year-old pulls at her hair because she's worried about failing a math test she doesn't understand, but people don't stop to think what that child is actually feeling is real to them. It's the same thing when babies cry for comfort and companionship- they're scared, they're confused, and they're hurting. It's not okay to ignore that.
A lot of it comes from the idea that children need to be controlled and made to listen. People forget that they are little people with thoughts, emotions, and needs. I think I said this earlier but it wouldn't be okay to neglect a childs physical needs merely because it's an inconvenience to the parents so I don't see why it's okay to neglect their emotional needs.
I know this is merely anecdotal evidence but I see it in my own daughter. She's never been left to cry it out. She knows we are there for her, so she is getting to be quite independent. She even has been putting herself to bed more and more. When we've left her with my parents she's been perfectly fine, no fussing, because we've never made her feel abandoned so she knows we will come back to her.
I know this is merely anecdotal evidence but I see it in my own daughter. She's never been left to cry it out. She knows we are there for her, so she is getting to be quite independent. She even has been putting herself to bed more and more. When we've left her with my parents she's been perfectly fine, no fussing, because we've never made her feel abandoned so she knows we will come back to her.
I don't have a child personally, but in my mothers case, since I'm a twin, and my sister wouldn't stop crying even after she did everything from feeding to changing her diaper, she went to me and found that I was being quiet. She discovered that I had a terrible fever, and rushed me to the hospital, and when we arrived my sister stopped crying.
So no letting your baby cry itself to sleep is important, seeing as the baby needs to learn that bedtime is when he/she needs to be alone, but checking up on the baby is important as well just in case something like the story above happened. Granted I'ma twin so that helped, but still.
So no letting your baby cry itself to sleep is important, seeing as the baby needs to learn that bedtime is when he/she needs to be alone, but checking up on the baby is important as well just in case something like the story above happened. Granted I'ma twin so that helped, but still.
Eillen wrote:
If the baby is fed, changed, etc., and should be it's bedtime, is it okay to leave your baby to cry themselves asleep?
I've heard this is a very controversial topic so I figured it belonged here..
Do you feel like it does damage to the baby in the long run?
Okay where to start.. so my nephew is almost 8 months old, for a while now he's getting to the point where at night, when it's his time to sleep, he will cry and scream for almost an hour before he sleeps, sometimes it sounds like he's hurt and it breaks my heart, and my family worries so much. My sister-in-law believes it's the way to go and there's nothing wrong with it and he will eventually get used to it. My mother believes it's neglect and there might be a reason behind his crying (like medically wrong), I think my mom is also just not used to that because in her country they comfort the baby, and she's never experienced any family doing that. My sister-in-law does check on him periodically so it's not like she doesn't care.. she's tried soothing him and holding him but still he cries to no end.
I don't know what to believe and I really don't want a fight starting between them, I have a feeling there will be one soon so I'm hoping maybe you guys can give me your thoughts and help me understand more about this topic, both sides..
*sigh*
With my nephew, almost 7 months, it's actually the opposite.
My sister-in-law is one of those new moms who thinks the internet has EVERYTHING right about child care. She thinks that leaving him to cry will make him have trust issues which I think is just BS. My mother has my nephew three nights of the week, his parents have him two and then the other in-laws have him two as well. [My brother and his wife work graveyard shifts so this is the way it is handled].
My sister-in-law stifles the child, she caters to his every whim and daily he becomes more spoiled. He doesn't sleep through the night when he is with his parents.
Normally I help my mom care for him on one of the nights she has him. He is in a strict routine and sleeps through the night when he is at her house.
My thought? A child isn't going to learn if it is just going to have it's every whim coddled. They need to learn eventually that crying is NOT going to get them every single thing they want- and with my nephew it's that he wants to be held while he sleeps. My sister-in-law oftentimes falls asleep with him and they sleep together. He rarely sleeps in his crib at home.
ugh. Frustrated with her. lol
"My sister-in-law is one of those new moms who thinks the internet has EVERYTHING right about child care. She thinks that leaving him to cry will make him have trust issues which I think is just BS."
This idea is not actually the responsibility of the Internet, it's the responsibility of psycholigists, mainly child psychologists, with a scientific and medical backing. It's fine to have an opinion of your own but if you're going to attack someone else's methods of raising your child by saying that their beliefs are invalid you might want to actually check the validity of their arguments first.
Just saying.
This idea is not actually the responsibility of the Internet, it's the responsibility of psycholigists, mainly child psychologists, with a scientific and medical backing. It's fine to have an opinion of your own but if you're going to attack someone else's methods of raising your child by saying that their beliefs are invalid you might want to actually check the validity of their arguments first.
Just saying.
Which I think is BS.
I believe that indicates a personal opinion, ne?
Why is it a problem for you if he co sleeps with his mom? There's nothing wrong with it. I co sleep with my child. We have no room to set up her crib where we are right now.
And the internet does actually have a lot of good resources. There has been research done that indicates that letting a baby cry it out is harmful to them. It can actually make them more needy and dependent.
When a child is left to cry it out they don't stop because they've learned a lesson about not being spoiled. All they've learned is that they can no longer hope to get the care they want. They become apathetic, and completely give up hope. This also creates trust issues because they can no longer trust those who who care for them to respond to their needs.
Babies need comfort just like adults do. Babies cry for a reason, and sometimes it could be a very serious reason. It's actually my instinct to answer my childs cries. I think it's dangerous and stupid to tell anyone that they should go against their own instincts.
And the internet does actually have a lot of good resources. There has been research done that indicates that letting a baby cry it out is harmful to them. It can actually make them more needy and dependent.
When a child is left to cry it out they don't stop because they've learned a lesson about not being spoiled. All they've learned is that they can no longer hope to get the care they want. They become apathetic, and completely give up hope. This also creates trust issues because they can no longer trust those who who care for them to respond to their needs.
Babies need comfort just like adults do. Babies cry for a reason, and sometimes it could be a very serious reason. It's actually my instinct to answer my childs cries. I think it's dangerous and stupid to tell anyone that they should go against their own instincts.
Why isn't the baby entitled to emotional comfort too though? Why is it only limited to physical comfort? Think about it this when, as a human when you are upset you hope for someone to comfort you right? And I am sure that you would not like it if someone close to you brushed you aside and said suck it up and deal with it.
Ignoring a babies cries is pretty much doing just that. You are denying them comfort, and they don't know or understand why. The only lesson it teaches them is they can't trust other people. They give up hope.
Ignoring a babies cries is pretty much doing just that. You are denying them comfort, and they don't know or understand why. The only lesson it teaches them is they can't trust other people. They give up hope.
Sometimes, it just happens. You try and try everything and the baby just won't stop crying. Sometimes its teething and even teething meds don't work. I don't have any kids myself, but sometimes my little brother would not stop crying, and we would just let him cry himself to sleep.
Easter Event
Lol, I don't have a baby so I wouldn't know
much but I believe it's normal, since I do have friends and I visit
there home and see the baby does cry a lot and it's normal as they say.
You just gotta check once in a while maybe he just has a full undies XD,
or needs milk or to rock him to sleep, something. x3
there are so called scream-babies. i don´t know if there is a special word for what i mean in english. they do have a problem with their eyes, they do hurt after a while because they are nearly fully envolved, but the babies brains aren´t ready for that much information and they have headaches.
The son of my cousin had that, so they had to put the bed of the baby in a dark corner of the room, with no window and no stuff that moves.
The son of my cousin had that, so they had to put the bed of the baby in a dark corner of the room, with no window and no stuff that moves.
