I haven't really told anyone that the man my father fired at work molested me several times when I was little.
I tried to tell my best friend ten years ago, and she thought I was lying, so maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe it's commonplace. Maybe I was left out of the loop.
This guy was a friend of the family. He was working for my father until I asked my dad to get rid of him because he tried to touch me and was harassing me.
My dad didn't even question it. Maybe he knows.
I don't want to know, though. It's too late to do anything about the things that happened nearly 15 years ago. It's not like I remember it all anyway. It sort of seems like some sort of fantasy, like something I read in a book. No, the details are there, the details I shouldn't remember, like how he had a water bed and the grabber hand, and the pudding he gave me in return for a french kiss. The toy dog he gave me to pull down my pants. The things little girls shouldn't know about or hear about. I still have that toy dog, and I really fucking hate pudding these days.
I don't usually think about this sort of thing, and I will probably repress it again after I post this. It's too late, I will tell myself, it is too late to do anything about, it is too late to care about it, it is too late. I'm a fucking monster.
I tried to tell my best friend ten years ago, and she thought I was lying, so maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe it's commonplace. Maybe I was left out of the loop.
This guy was a friend of the family. He was working for my father until I asked my dad to get rid of him because he tried to touch me and was harassing me.
My dad didn't even question it. Maybe he knows.
I don't want to know, though. It's too late to do anything about the things that happened nearly 15 years ago. It's not like I remember it all anyway. It sort of seems like some sort of fantasy, like something I read in a book. No, the details are there, the details I shouldn't remember, like how he had a water bed and the grabber hand, and the pudding he gave me in return for a french kiss. The toy dog he gave me to pull down my pants. The things little girls shouldn't know about or hear about. I still have that toy dog, and I really fucking hate pudding these days.
I don't usually think about this sort of thing, and I will probably repress it again after I post this. It's too late, I will tell myself, it is too late to do anything about, it is too late to care about it, it is too late. I'm a fucking monster.
Quote
I've never been afraid of the wildest fights, not afraid of dying
But now I want off this ride 'cause you're scaring me and I don't like where we're going
Firstly, I'm so very sorry to hear that he had done that to you.
I can definitely understand how you are feeling. I was molested by my uncle when I was younger too.
It's not too late to do something, though. For instance, it's not too late to seek help, maybe counselling, or therapy. Even calling a Sexual Abuse hotline might be of some use to you. It doesn't have to be a Crisis for you to call, and they will listen to you, and talk with you about how you are feeling.
Also, you're not a monster. I can understand how you are feeling, but it's not your fault what he did. Do you think you could be going through some depersonalization? Like, feeling like it's not your a part of your life, like you read about it in a book? I think it might be very useful if you seek counseling. Seriously, I don't think anyone can heal from sexual abuse without some kind of professional help. Again, I'm so sorry to hear of your experiences. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me. I'm not normally in the best of moods always, but I will try my best to help you any way I can!
Best Wishes!
I can definitely understand how you are feeling. I was molested by my uncle when I was younger too.
It's not too late to do something, though. For instance, it's not too late to seek help, maybe counselling, or therapy. Even calling a Sexual Abuse hotline might be of some use to you. It doesn't have to be a Crisis for you to call, and they will listen to you, and talk with you about how you are feeling.
Also, you're not a monster. I can understand how you are feeling, but it's not your fault what he did. Do you think you could be going through some depersonalization? Like, feeling like it's not your a part of your life, like you read about it in a book? I think it might be very useful if you seek counseling. Seriously, I don't think anyone can heal from sexual abuse without some kind of professional help. Again, I'm so sorry to hear of your experiences. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me. I'm not normally in the best of moods always, but I will try my best to help you any way I can!
Best Wishes!
Last edited by Rawiyah on Tue Jan 24, 2012 1:43 am; edited 2 times in total
Back then people didn't realize that sexual abuse with children was quite the problem that it actually was so people would be incredulous if the subject ever came up. I know, I've been there myself and had to deal with people not believing that my step-father had raped my sister and I.
As Rawiyah said, I'm sorry to hear you went through that. I wouldn't try to suppress anything though. All that happens then is you kind of create a ticking time bomb. Getting over such abuse can be painful at times but the best you can do is deal with it bits at a time until eventually you can really come to terms with it.
You can either go the professional route or...if you have a good friend to listen to...let bits and pieces out as they come up and you need to. (Personally I had to have counselors, shrinks, in-home counselors and psychiatrists I all had to see and they drove me nucking futs.)
If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. And you're not a monster, what he did was the monstrous thing and that had nothing to do with who you are.
As Rawiyah said, I'm sorry to hear you went through that. I wouldn't try to suppress anything though. All that happens then is you kind of create a ticking time bomb. Getting over such abuse can be painful at times but the best you can do is deal with it bits at a time until eventually you can really come to terms with it.
You can either go the professional route or...if you have a good friend to listen to...let bits and pieces out as they come up and you need to. (Personally I had to have counselors, shrinks, in-home counselors and psychiatrists I all had to see and they drove me nucking futs.)
If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. And you're not a monster, what he did was the monstrous thing and that had nothing to do with who you are.
Words exist because of meaning. Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him? ~Chuang Tzu
Im sorry to hear that i really am.
I can relate to how you feel, i was sexually abused as a kid from someone in my family.
I go through these deep depression periods where i remember them and just get extremely upset over it. I used to see a psychologist, and she never helped at all. The rest of my family doesnt know, i wish i could tell them but whats the use? whats done is done. You're not a monster, neither am i.
I mean we were kids. To me i was taught that adults were always right and you should always listen to them, because children are immature and wrong, which left me shy and vulnerable and he knew it and took advantage of it, i get soo mad sometimes thinkig about it because i want to tear him apart, but i've gotta let go and move on.
If you need anyone to talk to. Im here and you can always pm me anytime. I know what its like and the torture of it.
I can relate to how you feel, i was sexually abused as a kid from someone in my family.
I go through these deep depression periods where i remember them and just get extremely upset over it. I used to see a psychologist, and she never helped at all. The rest of my family doesnt know, i wish i could tell them but whats the use? whats done is done. You're not a monster, neither am i.
I mean we were kids. To me i was taught that adults were always right and you should always listen to them, because children are immature and wrong, which left me shy and vulnerable and he knew it and took advantage of it, i get soo mad sometimes thinkig about it because i want to tear him apart, but i've gotta let go and move on.
If you need anyone to talk to. Im here and you can always pm me anytime. I know what its like and the torture of it.
Always Accepting Friend Requests
Its never to late to do something about it. I am not going to tell you I know exactly how you feel but I was molested by my best friends dad when I was little. I never told anyone until a couple months ago I told my boyfriend. It happened about 12 years ago. Talking to my boyfriend about it helped me so much.
Hey if you need someone to talk to I know a couple people have said it but I am here for you to PM me if you would like.
Hey if you need someone to talk to I know a couple people have said it but I am here for you to PM me if you would like.
you're not a monster. he is. i don't know if it really is too late to have something done about it, but it's not too late to heal. please, go to a therapist, or talk to someone close to you about it. tell your dad or something. you don't have to try and shoulder the pain by yourself when there are people who would help you.
maybe you could go to the police and ask them if it's really too late to charge the guy. he did things to you once, who's to say he won't do it to another little girl?
to an extent, i know the hell this sort of thing causes. both of my sisters went through it, and i was there to support them when they went to court, and all the pain of it afterward and still. it was attempted on me as well, but i was too young to understand what the guy actually wanted and though he was persistent, i flat out refused to get undressed. i told him i was old enough to get dressed on my own and told him to leave. he never tried again after that. it makes me feel like crap sometimes because if i understood what he was trying to do, i could have told my mom and stopped him from doing things to my sister. so please, try and stop this guy before it happens again.
maybe you could go to the police and ask them if it's really too late to charge the guy. he did things to you once, who's to say he won't do it to another little girl?
to an extent, i know the hell this sort of thing causes. both of my sisters went through it, and i was there to support them when they went to court, and all the pain of it afterward and still. it was attempted on me as well, but i was too young to understand what the guy actually wanted and though he was persistent, i flat out refused to get undressed. i told him i was old enough to get dressed on my own and told him to leave. he never tried again after that. it makes me feel like crap sometimes because if i understood what he was trying to do, i could have told my mom and stopped him from doing things to my sister. so please, try and stop this guy before it happens again.
I went through exactly the same things as you. You're not a monster.
You'll have to face those demons eventually rather than have them creep up on you all the time. Then you'll have peace. Find someone to help you face it one day like a family member, a friend or a lover.
It's never too late, and even if it's just a warning to those around you to spread the word, please do.
You'll have to face those demons eventually rather than have them creep up on you all the time. Then you'll have peace. Find someone to help you face it one day like a family member, a friend or a lover.
It's never too late, and even if it's just a warning to those around you to spread the word, please do.
DeviantArt Gallery
It makes me really sad to see so many people have gone through this. Sad and angry. I mean what the hell is wrong with people? They are supposed to be the adults. And it makes me terrified to leave my child alone with anyone.
I was also molested, but not by an adult. My sister and I were molested by two older boys. I was four at the time and my sister was six. They weren't much older than we were and their parents had been doing it to them. I can only hope that the boys have since learned it was wrong and have come to terms with what happened to them.
I only remember a few things, and I don't really want to talk about it because it disgusts me to the core.
Also you are not a monster, far from it. It's terrible that you had to go through this. People should protect children and take care of them. It's NOT your fault. Like others have said if you ever need to talk pm me.
I was also molested, but not by an adult. My sister and I were molested by two older boys. I was four at the time and my sister was six. They weren't much older than we were and their parents had been doing it to them. I can only hope that the boys have since learned it was wrong and have come to terms with what happened to them.
I only remember a few things, and I don't really want to talk about it because it disgusts me to the core.
Also you are not a monster, far from it. It's terrible that you had to go through this. People should protect children and take care of them. It's NOT your fault. Like others have said if you ever need to talk pm me.