View topic - I can't talk during therapy sessions.
I mean, I can talk during therapy sessions, but I can't get myself to tell my therapist the things he needs to hear to help me.
I'm being forced into mandatory therapy sessions right now by my parents and medical authorities because of a recent suicide attempt... and for some reason, I can't get myself to talk about the important things at all! I think he's trying to evaluate me for psychosis (or a psychotic disorder) but I think he may be sniffing up the wrong tree. Both he and I have a general idea of a specific disorder that I may have, but it's difficult for him to help treat it when I won't tell him what's wrong.
Right now, I feel like he's trying to get me to talk about the sexual abuse in my past, but I can't seem to find the words, and I can't seem to get myself to talk to him at all. I don't know what it is, it's not like I'm not feeling comfortable with him or anything, I just can't seem to get myself to talk about it. But, if I don't talk about it, he can't help me. NO ONE can help me if I don't talk about it.
I'm being forced into mandatory therapy sessions right now by my parents and medical authorities because of a recent suicide attempt... and for some reason, I can't get myself to talk about the important things at all! I think he's trying to evaluate me for psychosis (or a psychotic disorder) but I think he may be sniffing up the wrong tree. Both he and I have a general idea of a specific disorder that I may have, but it's difficult for him to help treat it when I won't tell him what's wrong.
Right now, I feel like he's trying to get me to talk about the sexual abuse in my past, but I can't seem to find the words, and I can't seem to get myself to talk to him at all. I don't know what it is, it's not like I'm not feeling comfortable with him or anything, I just can't seem to get myself to talk about it. But, if I don't talk about it, he can't help me. NO ONE can help me if I don't talk about it.
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I had been raped for years by my step-father when I was a kid. When I was a teenager, they had me see shrinks, counselors, I even had several that had to come to my house.
There were two huge hang-ups I had with all of them. First of all, for one my mom would tell them absolutely EVERYTHING I did and it drove me nuts. It felt like nothing in my life was sacred or private. The second was just that I didn't feel like giving the most private parts of me over to a complete stranger, I just didn't trust them. Honestly what helped me were really two things:
1. Was talking to people I DID trust, my friends, on my time and my terms. Talking did a ton to help me get through it, but only if I had control over it and could do it the way I wanted to without some bastard I don't know digging through my memories and feelings. That's very private very sensitive stuff that therapists dig for. It's like they're so concerned of making the most for your buck to keep you coming back that they just disregard that completely and dive right in. People don't have set schedules for healing and not everyone follows the same course. Especially with rape and molestation as a child, some of that shit is extremely painful to dig up and can cause some damage if it's taken out in the wrong setting.
2. Time.
If you ever want to chat about it feel free but like I said, everyone has their own ways. I wish you the best of luck!
There were two huge hang-ups I had with all of them. First of all, for one my mom would tell them absolutely EVERYTHING I did and it drove me nuts. It felt like nothing in my life was sacred or private. The second was just that I didn't feel like giving the most private parts of me over to a complete stranger, I just didn't trust them. Honestly what helped me were really two things:
1. Was talking to people I DID trust, my friends, on my time and my terms. Talking did a ton to help me get through it, but only if I had control over it and could do it the way I wanted to without some bastard I don't know digging through my memories and feelings. That's very private very sensitive stuff that therapists dig for. It's like they're so concerned of making the most for your buck to keep you coming back that they just disregard that completely and dive right in. People don't have set schedules for healing and not everyone follows the same course. Especially with rape and molestation as a child, some of that shit is extremely painful to dig up and can cause some damage if it's taken out in the wrong setting.
2. Time.
If you ever want to chat about it feel free but like I said, everyone has their own ways. I wish you the best of luck!
Words exist because of meaning. Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him? ~Chuang Tzu
Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you. I'm glad you've recovered mostly, though. That's always good to hear.
The thing that gets me, is that I'm very familiar with my therapist. I've been seeing him for years, apparently... But, I have some heavy dissociation, so I don't remember any of my previous sessions with him. But it's not like I don't trust him, I just can't get myself to talk to him... I end up dissociating during the session, and if I say anything from there, I'm unaware of it, and he usually just ignores it anyway. :/
The thing that gets me, is that I'm very familiar with my therapist. I've been seeing him for years, apparently... But, I have some heavy dissociation, so I don't remember any of my previous sessions with him. But it's not like I don't trust him, I just can't get myself to talk to him... I end up dissociating during the session, and if I say anything from there, I'm unaware of it, and he usually just ignores it anyway. :/
Thank you for that.
I almost wonder if the disassociation is occurring because of questions pertaining to sexual abuse. The mind can do all sorts of funky things to protect itself. I don't know that's my theory, that he's probably coming on way too directly and it's just not the way to go. Sometimes you just have to let it flow however it's going to. That's why I said talking to the people I felt open enough to share with on my own time in my own way did the most for me.
Certainly something you could discuss with your therapist.
Only other thing I can think of is if your mind is just shutting down and disassociating based on certain triggers perhaps being hypnotized would help to get you to talk, but I really don't know too much on the subject and personally have never talked to a person where hypnosis helped out so that's the kind of suggestion you may want to do your own research into if it sounds like it'd be helpful.
I almost wonder if the disassociation is occurring because of questions pertaining to sexual abuse. The mind can do all sorts of funky things to protect itself. I don't know that's my theory, that he's probably coming on way too directly and it's just not the way to go. Sometimes you just have to let it flow however it's going to. That's why I said talking to the people I felt open enough to share with on my own time in my own way did the most for me.
Certainly something you could discuss with your therapist.
Only other thing I can think of is if your mind is just shutting down and disassociating based on certain triggers perhaps being hypnotized would help to get you to talk, but I really don't know too much on the subject and personally have never talked to a person where hypnosis helped out so that's the kind of suggestion you may want to do your own research into if it sounds like it'd be helpful.
Words exist because of meaning. Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him? ~Chuang Tzu
I have been in a similar situation with a therapist a few years back. I could never verbally admit to what had happened to me when I was a child.
I agree with lateralus though she has made two very important points. I have still never spoken fully to anyone about the abuse or what has happened. When someone tries to force things like that from you you are more likely to shut them out. In recent years I have found some solace in talking to a few friends that I trust when I begin to feel overwhelmed by memories and triggers. They are usually able to help talk me down. If you can trust a friend or a family member just to hear you out when you begin to feel upset.
I hope this doesn't come off as offensive to you, I know you said that you have nothing against your therapist and have been seeing him for some time but have you thought of finding another? It took me a few tries to get a therapist who was willing to work with me in an approach that wasn't so direct.
I have read that hypnosis works for some patients and at times you can even use self hypnosis as a form of relaxation. Though I would encourage you to look at all of your options.
Are you able to write down any of what has happened? If not written have you been able to express yourself in an artistic form? I know it may sound silly but sometimes we have to start our healing process alone before we can let others in. It took me a few years to be able to get something on paper. After that I have shifted to a more art based outlet to let go of the pain.
I know that PTSD may be a disorder you are facing, treatment for it isn't quite the same as treatment in a normal session.
I know this might not have helped you much but if you need to you can talk to me if your feeling down. Even if you say " I need to get this out don't respond." Sometimes it's easier to let some things go when you have a stranger { not directly in front of you } to tell.
I agree with lateralus though she has made two very important points. I have still never spoken fully to anyone about the abuse or what has happened. When someone tries to force things like that from you you are more likely to shut them out. In recent years I have found some solace in talking to a few friends that I trust when I begin to feel overwhelmed by memories and triggers. They are usually able to help talk me down. If you can trust a friend or a family member just to hear you out when you begin to feel upset.
I hope this doesn't come off as offensive to you, I know you said that you have nothing against your therapist and have been seeing him for some time but have you thought of finding another? It took me a few tries to get a therapist who was willing to work with me in an approach that wasn't so direct.
I have read that hypnosis works for some patients and at times you can even use self hypnosis as a form of relaxation. Though I would encourage you to look at all of your options.
Are you able to write down any of what has happened? If not written have you been able to express yourself in an artistic form? I know it may sound silly but sometimes we have to start our healing process alone before we can let others in. It took me a few years to be able to get something on paper. After that I have shifted to a more art based outlet to let go of the pain.
I know that PTSD may be a disorder you are facing, treatment for it isn't quite the same as treatment in a normal session.
I know this might not have helped you much but if you need to you can talk to me if your feeling down. Even if you say " I need to get this out don't respond." Sometimes it's easier to let some things go when you have a stranger { not directly in front of you } to tell.
lateralus es helica wrote:
Only other thing I can think of is if your mind is just shutting down and disassociating based on certain triggers perhaps being hypnotized would help to get you to talk, but I really don't know too much on the subject and personally have never talked to a person where hypnosis helped out so that's the kind of suggestion you may want to do your own research into if it sounds like it'd be helpful.
I've actually never in my life heard of using hypnosis for therapy! That's actually really neat. I'm probably going to end up looking into that if I find that I'm still having a hard time talking.
shiver wrote:Are you able to write down any of what has happened? If not written have you been able to express yourself in an artistic form? I know it may sound silly but sometimes we have to start our healing process alone before we can let others in. It took me a few years to be able to get something on paper. After that I have shifted to a more art based outlet to let go of the pain.
Actually, I like to write stories with characters going through, or having gone through the same experiences as me. I've written tons of stories pertaining to the sexual abuse in my past, but for some reason, I can't seem to make it blunt, and I can't seem to get myself to tell anyone in anything but creative writing.
I mean, I have no problem saying, "Hey, when I was younger I was sexually abused." but when it comes to things in depth, or what was on my mind. Like, my therapist asked me the other day, "Do you feel safe at home?" and I said, "Sometimes." And he asked me, "Tell me about when the house isn't safe?" And for some reason, I broke into tears and I couldn't talk. I don't even know why I was crying, I just was. And my head hurt because I felt I was straining my memory.
Oh, and you definitely helped me A LOT! Thank you.
ѕнινєя wrote:
Are you able to write down any of what has happened? If not written have you been able to express yourself in an artistic form? I know it may sound silly but sometimes we have to start our healing process alone before we can let others in. It took me a few years to be able to get something on paper. After that I have shifted to a more art based outlet to let go of the pain.
This is what I was coming here to say. I have a tendency to act like everything's okay when it isn't, and overdramatize things that are not actually important to compensate. Obviously, this put up some roadblocks in my therapy but my counsellor and I worked out that the one true way I can always communicate is through my writing. I started to pay more attention to my journally, and when I felt I had really hit something on the head I would bring the pages in for him to read. Another thing that helped me was having an e-mail communication with him, which would help me to get over the barriers of saying things out loud. I could write it and send it to him, and then we could discuss it in session, which wouldn't be as hard because I had already said it without having to speak the words out loud.
If this is really something you think would help, don't hesitate to bring it up to your therapist. He's looking to help you, and if you propose something that might work, I'm sure he'll be open to the idea.
i know what you mean. i can't talk about anything either. i don't know why. i just can't form the words to say what's troubling me. so i have no advice, but at least you aren't alone in this.
How about if you wrote them instead?
I'd try letters or even chatting to my patient online so they can't see me but at least get them through the initial stages of opening up.
But it takes time, don't force yourself too hard.
I'd try letters or even chatting to my patient online so they can't see me but at least get them through the initial stages of opening up.
But it takes time, don't force yourself too hard.
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I think that you might need to stop seeing him, because I think the idea of being forced into therapy is subconsciously freaking you out. I think the therapy has to be something YOU want to do, and you probably won't be able to open up until you start the process, not other people doing it for you.
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Darian || FTM || Gay || Loser
Be careful about the writing. It doesn't matter WHAT medium you choose to convey experiences over, it can hurt if you let out too much at once and don't just release whatever you're prepared to handle.
Several years ago I decided I wanted to write a novel and somehow veered from the subject I wanted to write about and instead started on a surreal plot that channeled the rape and abuse from when I was younger. I ended up putting myself in a severe depressive state and had a suicide attempt when I was just fine before that.
Everything in moderation...
Several years ago I decided I wanted to write a novel and somehow veered from the subject I wanted to write about and instead started on a surreal plot that channeled the rape and abuse from when I was younger. I ended up putting myself in a severe depressive state and had a suicide attempt when I was just fine before that.
Everything in moderation...
Words exist because of meaning. Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him? ~Chuang Tzu
When I went to a therapist a few years back, I didn't really say anything. I kind of wish I had, but I just kept everything inside. Eventually we just stopped going because of family conflicts. /: Just try to force everything out, or write it down. Make yourself speak, that's the only way you can get help for something.
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Creep wrote:I think that you might need to stop seeing him, because I think the idea of being forced into therapy is subconsciously freaking you out. I think the therapy has to be something YOU want to do, and you probably won't be able to open up until you start the process, not other people doing it for you.
this.
alternatively, find a therapist YOU like.
or go to sexual assault advocacy organizations in your area and ask them for help. they'll be able to a) refer you to people who specialize in that sort of thing; and b) talk to you right then and there because they are trained professionals who know how to help people.
writing is also a good idea, if that sort of thing helps you out. :3
Rawiyah wrote:Right now, I feel like he's trying to get me to talk about the sexual abuse in my past, but I can't seem to find the words, and I can't seem to get myself to talk to him at all. I don't know what it is, it's not like I'm not feeling comfortable with him or anything, I just can't seem to get myself to talk about it.
Have you tried telling him exactly THAT? Maybe he can help you find the words if you lead him on the right direction :)
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