Is there anyone here that is FtM?
I've been thinking about it nonstop for the last two weeks ever since I witnessed the possibility of changing the physical body. I mean.. I knew it was possible to transition, but I never deeply thought of it. I've seen it as impossible in my mind, which was then seen as useless & a waste of time to consider. But now that I've actually witnessed a transgender person two weeks back, & have seen how things can change & there is actual hope and progress that can be made, it stirred my thoughts again. Anything is possible.
Ever since I was younger, around elementary school time, I've always thought of myself as somewhat.. a male, excluding the female genitalia that I obviously had. I dressed in the /hideous/ baggy pants & t-shirts, & was rambunctious in my own little world I created, though super reserved when around others. My mother would sometimes get upset for picture day when I opposed to wearing female clothing. She'd sometimes say something along the lines of, "Why not just give you a weewee & make you a boy then!"
As for friends, my best friend was a girl (no boys my age here), and we played a lot of dolls. I always wanted to be the man, and would always refuse any of the female dolls. And if there wasn't a male figure, I'd be an animal. When we played pretend, I'd still be a male.
Soon around 10 years old I had one of my first MANY crushes on a female, and had a strong dislike for males (though that's easing off). I've never actually identified myself as a lesbian, as seeing as it is useless. I was simply one person in love with another. Now I'm beginning to feel like I have a strong male mindset. Could I be male? Or am I going crazy?
Anyway... how do you know you're true gender? Or do you think you are what you are from your biological sex? For FTM, when did you know you were male, and did you ever have to seriously question it so much? What thoughts ran through your mind?
So far through my life, I've felt more genderless than anything. I have my moments when I feel like a female, but it only last for a day at most. I'll feel submissive for a day, but feel the need to be bold & dominant the other 364 days. I'm just not comfortable with trying to dress like the female role society creates too. When I dress like one & try to fit the image of a girl, I feel like I'm trying to squeeze my way in with a bunch of aliens; being around them makes me uncomfortable. I'm starting to get uncomfortable with my own breast too, ha. (Or does every biological female have that feeling....?) I feel more relaxed when around males (despite my dumb & hateful behavior), and I honestly feel like one of them.
Even though I can suck it up and live how I am and never go through a transition, deep down I believe that if I make a transition, it'll make me happy in life. All of my life I've felt as if I missed out on something very important (Uhh, my LIFE), & have been socially awkward, but I've known I could change that if I really wanted to. I feel like transitioning and taking on the full Male shell is a key to unlock my true self, to feel more confident, and to become more positive in life instead of always feeling down.
But it scares me to know that I have some girlish tendencies & ways of thinking at times, and I HATE it. When I catch myself doing ANYTHING "girly," I feel unworthy of thinking about any kind of transition. And being treated as a "gentlewoman" is nice and all, but at the same time I dislike that too. I want to be seen more as a male figure & change my outside, even if it tears at my highly emotional self with such a daring change.
Sorry about my horrible, unorganized writing. If I offend anyone, I'm sorry too. I'm terrible with words.
And hopefully this is in the correct forum.
EDIT: IT TAKES ME TIME TO THINK OF HOW TO WORD EVERYTHING I SAY..
AND REPLYING TO MANY PEOPLE IN A LARGE RESPONSE CAN BE TOUGH.. FOR ME AT LEAST.
SORRY IF I DON'T REPLY. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE.
FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME IF NEEDED.
I've been thinking about it nonstop for the last two weeks ever since I witnessed the possibility of changing the physical body. I mean.. I knew it was possible to transition, but I never deeply thought of it. I've seen it as impossible in my mind, which was then seen as useless & a waste of time to consider. But now that I've actually witnessed a transgender person two weeks back, & have seen how things can change & there is actual hope and progress that can be made, it stirred my thoughts again. Anything is possible.
Ever since I was younger, around elementary school time, I've always thought of myself as somewhat.. a male, excluding the female genitalia that I obviously had. I dressed in the /hideous/ baggy pants & t-shirts, & was rambunctious in my own little world I created, though super reserved when around others. My mother would sometimes get upset for picture day when I opposed to wearing female clothing. She'd sometimes say something along the lines of, "Why not just give you a weewee & make you a boy then!"
As for friends, my best friend was a girl (no boys my age here), and we played a lot of dolls. I always wanted to be the man, and would always refuse any of the female dolls. And if there wasn't a male figure, I'd be an animal. When we played pretend, I'd still be a male.
Soon around 10 years old I had one of my first MANY crushes on a female, and had a strong dislike for males (though that's easing off). I've never actually identified myself as a lesbian, as seeing as it is useless. I was simply one person in love with another. Now I'm beginning to feel like I have a strong male mindset. Could I be male? Or am I going crazy?
Anyway... how do you know you're true gender? Or do you think you are what you are from your biological sex? For FTM, when did you know you were male, and did you ever have to seriously question it so much? What thoughts ran through your mind?
So far through my life, I've felt more genderless than anything. I have my moments when I feel like a female, but it only last for a day at most. I'll feel submissive for a day, but feel the need to be bold & dominant the other 364 days. I'm just not comfortable with trying to dress like the female role society creates too. When I dress like one & try to fit the image of a girl, I feel like I'm trying to squeeze my way in with a bunch of aliens; being around them makes me uncomfortable. I'm starting to get uncomfortable with my own breast too, ha. (Or does every biological female have that feeling....?) I feel more relaxed when around males (despite my dumb & hateful behavior), and I honestly feel like one of them.
Even though I can suck it up and live how I am and never go through a transition, deep down I believe that if I make a transition, it'll make me happy in life. All of my life I've felt as if I missed out on something very important (Uhh, my LIFE), & have been socially awkward, but I've known I could change that if I really wanted to. I feel like transitioning and taking on the full Male shell is a key to unlock my true self, to feel more confident, and to become more positive in life instead of always feeling down.
But it scares me to know that I have some girlish tendencies & ways of thinking at times, and I HATE it. When I catch myself doing ANYTHING "girly," I feel unworthy of thinking about any kind of transition. And being treated as a "gentlewoman" is nice and all, but at the same time I dislike that too. I want to be seen more as a male figure & change my outside, even if it tears at my highly emotional self with such a daring change.
Sorry about my horrible, unorganized writing. If I offend anyone, I'm sorry too. I'm terrible with words.
And hopefully this is in the correct forum.
EDIT: IT TAKES ME TIME TO THINK OF HOW TO WORD EVERYTHING I SAY..
AND REPLYING TO MANY PEOPLE IN A LARGE RESPONSE CAN BE TOUGH.. FOR ME AT LEAST.
SORRY IF I DON'T REPLY. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE.
FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME IF NEEDED.
QuoteLast edited by Chunnbay on Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:09 am; edited 1 time in total
The thing to keep in mind, which might help ease some of the inner conflict it sounds like you're having, is that having a "girly day" and sometimes feeling submissive or feminine, does not mean that you are unworthy of a male mindset, or that it's somehow not real for you. Men have girly days. Men have days where they may feel "feminine", ie submissive or vulnerable. Just like girls who identify as girls and have never felt the need to identify as anything else will have their moments, or days, when they feel very masculine... men have girly days.
(For the record, I'm using the terms feminine, girly, masculine, manly, etc, to identify ONLY the stereotypes fit to these roles, or the gender behaviours and attitudes commonly attached more dominantly to these roles. Like Chunnbay said, I'm sorry if I cause any offense- I'm simply trying to explain a complicated subject matter in simple terms.)
Men, straight men who identify as men, will have days where they want to lay down with their head in their lady's lap and have her stroke their hair. This is a behavious that is more common among females- but them doing it does not mean that they are not a man, or that they are somehow feminine. You feeling in a way, or thinking in a way, that is more commonly associated with females does not interrupt or disqualify the fact that you feel you identify as a man, if you do in fact feel that way.
So if you're having problems admitting that you identify as a man because of those reasons, then just know that every man goes through those things and feels those things, it's just not as out in the open so it's identified as a "female" trait. Doesn't make you any less male.
(For the record, I'm using the terms feminine, girly, masculine, manly, etc, to identify ONLY the stereotypes fit to these roles, or the gender behaviours and attitudes commonly attached more dominantly to these roles. Like Chunnbay said, I'm sorry if I cause any offense- I'm simply trying to explain a complicated subject matter in simple terms.)
Men, straight men who identify as men, will have days where they want to lay down with their head in their lady's lap and have her stroke their hair. This is a behavious that is more common among females- but them doing it does not mean that they are not a man, or that they are somehow feminine. You feeling in a way, or thinking in a way, that is more commonly associated with females does not interrupt or disqualify the fact that you feel you identify as a man, if you do in fact feel that way.
So if you're having problems admitting that you identify as a man because of those reasons, then just know that every man goes through those things and feels those things, it's just not as out in the open so it's identified as a "female" trait. Doesn't make you any less male.
I was gonna say something, but Savagery pretty much hit the nail on the head.
I'm a girl, and sometimes I do guyish things, have a masculine attitude toward certain things, and every once in while I like to dress like a guy. It doesn't make me feel any less of a woman. My boyfriend also sometimes does things that are considered feminine behaviors, and he's a rather sensitive person. But it makes him no less of a man. Just be you, and never be unhappy with that. If you want a sex change and it will make you feel complete and confident, go for it. But don't feel that you have to completely strip away the feminine part of you, as having a balance of feminine and masculine qualities is healthy for the soul.
Best of luck :D
I'm a girl, and sometimes I do guyish things, have a masculine attitude toward certain things, and every once in while I like to dress like a guy. It doesn't make me feel any less of a woman. My boyfriend also sometimes does things that are considered feminine behaviors, and he's a rather sensitive person. But it makes him no less of a man. Just be you, and never be unhappy with that. If you want a sex change and it will make you feel complete and confident, go for it. But don't feel that you have to completely strip away the feminine part of you, as having a balance of feminine and masculine qualities is healthy for the soul.
Best of luck :D
I have a vagina. When someone asks my sex, I say female. When someone asks my gender, I often say "other." Because I don't really feel like a male or a female inside any more than I feel like a person with two arms or a person with brown hair. I just feel like me inside. If I woke up tomorrow and my vagina was magically gone and a penis was in its place, or if I lost an arm, or if my hair changed color, I would still be me. I would still keep doing what I do. I would still like what I like. Because I don't let my body parts determine who I am. I do what I want regardless of whether society says it's a "male thing" or a "female thing." I wear dresses. I wear pants. I play computer games. I like cats. I like the color blue. I don't shave my legs. I never wear high heals. I never wear a bra. I am timid sometimes, and I dominant sometimes. Etc.
Savagery-
Thank you, that did ease my mind quite a bit. It's just becoming so dramatizing to see the female parts on & of myself, and know that I could pass as a female in society (somewhat).. and that it could be an "easy" way out to save any future bashing on being transgender. Though I'm just me either way. But yeah, every human have their moments of different behaviors at times.
Thank you, that did ease my mind quite a bit. It's just becoming so dramatizing to see the female parts on & of myself, and know that I could pass as a female in society (somewhat).. and that it could be an "easy" way out to save any future bashing on being transgender. Though I'm just me either way. But yeah, every human have their moments of different behaviors at times.
I don't know where you live, but is there any support for transgender youth in your area? It may help you immensely to meet other FTM people, or get some support from someone with a backing in helping people who cross-identify. Maybe there's a LGBT community in your city? It's worth a try. Even if you don't know of one, do a quick Google search of "(your city name here) LGBT services". You might find a lot more than you'd thought you would.
Me, I fit into my traditional gender role. Although and crossdress often and portray many masculine traits, I'm still the female that cooks for my partner, and will bear his kids and so on, so I see myself as female.
Perhaps it's a good idea to see some counselling and speak to other FtMs to find if it's really what you want since the process is a long and difficult, rewarding one. And people do portray the gender roles of the opposite sex often. Don't get hung up on it.
Though there are genders that exist outside the binary so perhaps it's worth checking out and talking about them too.
Perhaps it's a good idea to see some counselling and speak to other FtMs to find if it's really what you want since the process is a long and difficult, rewarding one. And people do portray the gender roles of the opposite sex often. Don't get hung up on it.
Though there are genders that exist outside the binary so perhaps it's worth checking out and talking about them too.
DeviantArt Gallery
Thalassaemia-
I understand how people portray the opposite gender very often, but I just thought there's something more deep about it in me. And I don't say that in some sort of "special" way either. Idk how to word it.
I'll definitely be taking a long time to let my head cool, so I won't be jumping straight into things just yet. And seeing a therapist will come when I start coming down with a major decision. And I'll try to talk to who I can find. c:
I understand how people portray the opposite gender very often, but I just thought there's something more deep about it in me. And I don't say that in some sort of "special" way either. Idk how to word it.
I'll definitely be taking a long time to let my head cool, so I won't be jumping straight into things just yet. And seeing a therapist will come when I start coming down with a major decision. And I'll try to talk to who I can find. c:
Honestly, myself. I hate that people make it soo hard for other people. If your a girl, your a girl. A boy a boy. It doesn't matter what parts you have.
Easter Event
I'm an ftm.
Here's my standpoint.
Think of it like a spectrum.
|----25%----|--------50%--------|-----75%----|
FemalerwetrwerttutyutyutyuertewertMale
If you feel like you're in the 50-100% range, you're male. If you're in the middle, or don't like to choose a specific gender, you're probably genderqueer or intersexed.
Here's my standpoint.
Think of it like a spectrum.
|----25%----|--------50%--------|-----75%----|
FemalerwetrwerttutyutyutyuertewertMale
If you feel like you're in the 50-100% range, you're male. If you're in the middle, or don't like to choose a specific gender, you're probably genderqueer or intersexed.
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Darian || FTM || Gay || Loser
Im a FTM person <3 and growing up was pretty much like how you described it. Depending on where you live, you can find some trans community groups or,if you're like me, stuck in the middle of no where-you can always find someone online 8D
when it comes to the Opt (surgery) I honestly think one should wait a few years ,save up the money along the way before they go through the actual process. I think there is so much emphases on being the definition of a gender that people, particularly transgenders, will go out and buy packers (umm something like strap ons online not with dildos but soft rubbery um penises ) The way I look at it-be comfortable just being yourself. You don't have to overnight go from female form to big hairy endowed muscly man. I have been a closet trans ( I live in a small town in the south and many are backwards in regard to how to treat trans or gays) for the past 5 years. Online I can have any gender avi I want even if my name is a girls name it can be manly looking, even if my Trans name is Louie I still can have hello kitty in my bedroom. SO many people think you have to look a certain way to be trans,not really.I've seen many ftm on youtube and they all look the same, short hair,lip piercings,that black ring in their ear and always talking about buying packers. Why do we need the feel like that's who we are? Like all men are skater guys? >.< I'm just a fedora wearing Big bad voodoo daddy fan ;D
My advice: Just love yaself no matter what you are 8D
when it comes to the Opt (surgery) I honestly think one should wait a few years ,save up the money along the way before they go through the actual process. I think there is so much emphases on being the definition of a gender that people, particularly transgenders, will go out and buy packers (umm something like strap ons online not with dildos but soft rubbery um penises ) The way I look at it-be comfortable just being yourself. You don't have to overnight go from female form to big hairy endowed muscly man. I have been a closet trans ( I live in a small town in the south and many are backwards in regard to how to treat trans or gays) for the past 5 years. Online I can have any gender avi I want even if my name is a girls name it can be manly looking, even if my Trans name is Louie I still can have hello kitty in my bedroom. SO many people think you have to look a certain way to be trans,not really.I've seen many ftm on youtube and they all look the same, short hair,lip piercings,that black ring in their ear and always talking about buying packers. Why do we need the feel like that's who we are? Like all men are skater guys? >.< I'm just a fedora wearing Big bad voodoo daddy fan ;D
My advice: Just love yaself no matter what you are 8D
mmm cake @_@
